Monday, March 7, 2016

my bucket list

1. Attend a super fancy ballet (preferably Swan Lake, preferably in New York or Western Europe - I'm thinking Paris or Vienna or Bern) where the dress code is tuxedos and ball gowns. I've been watching a lot go Gossip Girl, lately.


2. Learn acrobatic pole dancing so I can do that thing where you hold on to the pole and your body is horizontal and you walk your legs up so it looks like you're walking up a wall and totally defying gravity. I do pilates once a week, all the push ups and core body work on the easiest levels, so I'm basically half way there with this one. I want more of a Fringe World, circusy vibe rather than put-a-dollar-in-my-underwear stripper pole dancing but all power to women who do this!  It makes me sad that in a circus a woman doing acrobatics on a pole is sexy and flexible but a man doing a similar routine (maybe in just as little clothing) is strong, graceful and talented.


3. Attend an authentic gospel choir in the deep south with white gowns and clapping and the kind of divine harmonising that will make me reconsider my atheism. Praise Jesus! Last night Mum and I watched the House Gospel Choir at PIAF. While their house/gospel remixes of Florence and the Machine and Sam Smith were amazing, it wasn't the answer to all my gospel choir needs. Side entry on my bucket list, a friend told me that I would be a good singer, so I kind of want to learn now. I loved singing in Chapel at school because I could sing but still hide that I wasn't very good at it. Maybe its time I stop hiding behind the Sugars'/Newman curse of not being able to sing in tune and just having some fucking lessons.


Please note, I deliberately chose the whitest stock photo possible. This is not what I'm looking for in a gospel choir.


4. This isn't so much as a bucket list item, as it is something that I want for myself in the future. And kind of want it for everyone, because it's such a lovely, warming image in my mind. When I imagine the family I'll have when I'm a real adult, I picture some sort of husband, love of my life type character, a toddler aged child and perhaps a new born baby, one - two dogs, and myself all having a nap on a large soft bed. Incidentally, looking up videos of dogs/puppies and babies is one of my fave past times.



I'm going to stop living in the future now and pay attention to the psych lecture I'm currently sitting in.





Sunday, December 6, 2015

sunday afternoon snapshot

I have just spent the last hour or so lying in bed, listening to classical music and reading Womankind, a treat I bought for myself for after exams. My hair and sheets are clean, my nails freshly cut and my mind and body warm and cosy. My silver bangles clang as I turn the page of the magazine, so I push them back up my wrist so they stay still. When they fall down again, there is an indent in my arm. Its overcast and drizzly outside and I occasionally fight the urge to nap, or scroll through Instagram. Sometimes I skip the song on Spotify because it feels too dramatic for the setting.

Before I clambered in to bed and buried myself in flannel shirts and linen doona covers, I went through my wardrobe and drawers and threw out a bunch of old shitty clothes I haven't worn in a long time. I cut the sleeves off my disintegrating Yeah Yeah Yeahs tshirt from Southbound 2010, making it the world's softest muscle shirt. I potted the last three sprigs of Rosemary that I've been propagating in the sun room.

Since the end of semester I have had to work more and without the distraction of study, work seems more and more banal and I feel that familiar itch to leave hospitality and find something else. With everyone coming in for work Xmas breakfasts and staff taking holidays or leaving, its also become more hectic and I am exhausted when I get home.

This has been an indulgent and stimulating relaxation and welcomed respite from watching average tv shows and incessantly checking Facebook every twenty minutes all afternoon.

Friday, November 6, 2015

what to write

Recently, a friend of mine who has been have a bit of hard time lately, said she had gone back through my old posts and was loving my writing all over again. It made me so happy and warm and fuzzy. Not only that something I had written was making her feel slightly better about life, but just also more generally that someone (other than my parents - because they have to) enjoys something that I have created.

And so I told her that I would try and write semi-regularly again. Because it makes her happy and it makes me happy that she's happy and just because it feels great. But it's really hard to think of things to write about when I'm not travelling to new places and hanging out with strangers every day, like when I was overseas. I think also I was younger and found everything a lot more interesting than I do now. Having said that, quite a lot has changed in my life since I last posted, and many of them I could probably write at length about. I'm going to do a grab bag of brief run downs to get up to speed and then maybe I'll be back in the swing of things of writing instead of just posting links to songs that are stuck in my head.

I moved out
I think this was the last goal I had since coming home from London (the others were growing out my modern day mullet, or undercut, and buying a bike). I live in an adorable Mount Lawley house with wooden floor boards and high ceilings and its exactly what I imagined my first Perth rental to be like. I live with Erin which is amazing because she's one of my favourite people ever. She cooks delicious food and loves it when I eat the left overs, she buys beautiful flowers to decorate the house and coffee and donuts on her way home from uni, she listens to me bitch and vent as much I need to and when she has a bad day I make her laugh by draping myself across her bed and model my Gorman apron for her. We found our third housemate, Charline on Facebook. Charline is German and strangely doesn't seem to understand recycling, but she's lazy and gross like us. We all like eating fancy cheese and drinking wine on the verandah and going to bed at 9pm. We can walk to Northbridge and I ride my bike to work in 8 minutes. I hardly ever have to deal with the traffic on the freeway anymore and I have developed a sudden love affair with house plants. I'm happier and feel so much more like myself.

I got another job
I work at Gordon St Garage as barista and I am 100% replaceable which is really refreshing, in a way. It was stressful and horrible at first, and getting up at 5am was very unpleasant, but I'm used to it all now and have worked out what is expected of me and how to do it. I'm friends with the people I work with which is probably the most important thing. I think I'd forgotten how good it is to work with others in a team while I was at MANY. I really did go a bit insane there. Its busy and hard work at Gordon St but its so much more satisfying compared to standing around thinking about all the mistakes I've ever made like I did all day, every day at MANY. There's always drama or politics happening but you can't work with other people and avoid that. And I'm not going to lie, I love politics and gossip anyway. I started about five months ago and Fringe applications have just opened. I'm considering applying again even though I seem to have developed a pattern of working at Fringe and then realising I actually hate my current job and rage quitting in a fit of emotional distress. I wonder if that will happen again or if I have finally learnt to balance both worlds. Maybe third time's a charm?

I'm an aunty
My sister had a baby, Gabriella Adele, and she is so fucking cute. Steph sends me photos of her chubby adorable face and I melt every time. They came and visited a few weekends ago and I got so much adorable baby time. There's something incredible about making a baby smile or laugh and feeling like the greatest person ever when they look you in the eye. But also I guess I'm 25 and my ovaries are probably telling me to get a move on. Eugh. Interestingly I got a surprise period the day after they went back to Darwin. I wonder if it was my body arguing over wanting a baby, feeling clucky and loved up and then my brain saying NO YOU ARE NOT READY TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANOTHER HUMAN, ON THE OFF CHANCE YOU ARE HAVING SEX ATM, YOUR UTERUS LINING IS GOING TO SHED FOR THE BENEFIT OF ALL OF US. Ovaries are weird.

Uni
I'm back (still?) at uni. I go through phases of hating it and thinking psychology is a huge waste of my time and HECS debt, wishing I was doing something creative, or anything else and sometimes I get super motivated and love it. So I don't know. I'm part time, so I have another year til I finish fourth year and I could change my mind a million more times before then. If I do pursue psychology, I think I'll do a DipEd and major as a school psychologist rather than promising my first born child to get in to Masters.  Or maybe I'll just do Fine Arts and be a weirdo art student.

I think that's all I've got for now. I'll start working on some ideas for more semi-regular posts. Or you know, I'll just continue to re-watch Broad City. The other day I saw a post on the gram that Amy Poehler and Carrie Brownstein officiated someone's wedding and I thought FUCK that would be so cool. But what if Ilana and Abbi officiated your wedding!? SWOON.

Monday, June 1, 2015

shia

Shia LaBeouf is trending on fb at the moment. Not for this but watching his inspirational video where he yells at you to "just do it" lead me down a stalking rabbit hole to this music video.


Does anyone else feel like Shia just needs a hug and to be told he is special and loved and important?

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

today's song

I have listened to this song many times since I got home this afternoon. It has an annoying Australian accent in it but I still fucking love it. So damn catchy.


I'm just about to watch the last episode of the second season of The Legacy (Arvingerne). I don't know what it is about the Danes but they're damn good at writing TV drama. I hope they write another season. I also hope that one day I will have a tall, sexy Danish boyfriend and I can learn more Danish beyond the pleasantries and the words that a similar in German. Maybe he can tell me why Robert's lines are subtitled in Danish. Does he have a strong German accent? Is he speaking some weird cross between the two?


This time last year I watched Pilou Asbaek host Eurovison. I fell in love with his drunken adorableness and started watching Borgen and everything else he's ever been in ever and so began my love of Danish television and film.


This weekend Eurovision is on again (what a perfect birthday present) and Austria will be hosting. I wonder what I'll be obsessed with for 2015/2016. 





Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Nick Fucking Cave

I don't really haven anything spectacular to add today, I just feel compelled to share how much I loved Nick Cave's film 20 000 Days on Earth. I know its been out for a while but I only just got around to seeing it on the weekend at the Rooftop Movies.

It was just fucking phenomenal. He talks about art, performing, transcending (Jubilee Street makes so much more sense to me now) the creative process and how your experiences and memories make you the person you are today (and ultimately influence your art). I would say its a must see for all artists, performers, creatives and fan's of Cave's creative genius.


There was one scene where he talks about connecting with the audience and changing something in yourself and in them to make a true artistic performance, which is interlaced with scenes from a live performance of Higgs Boson Blues. Towards the end of the song he crouches down to a girl in the front row, grabs her hand and holds it to his chest as he whispers to her and to her alone "Can you feel my heartbeat? Can you feel my heartbeat?" Understandably the girl starts crying and nods as he gets up and moves away to sing the rest of the song. I can't even imagine how powerful that experience would be. 

I will definitely be watching it again and taking notes of all the beautiful, poetic wisdoms he preambled around in his deep, melodic voice. 

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Granny Greer

Sometimes I think of Germaine Greer as a favourite grandma who is maybe beginning to lose her marbles. She was totally awesome when she was younger and had a huge impact on the person I am today; we all love, admire and appreciate her contribution to the world. But sometimes she says things that aren't really okay.


But it's okay, because we love her anyway. She always going to be invited to the family picnics, we all want her there; she HAS to be there. She'll be given a cup of tea and slice of cake but she'll be popped in the corner and everyone will pretend they didn't quite hear the latest wacky thing she said. And we'll all go back to talking about what seems more relevant to us.

And then I realise I'm part of the problem Granny Greer is addressing in this article.

But how cool would it be to have a tea party with Germaine Greer.

Monday, March 9, 2015

Lately

The other day I was standing in the shop at work, waiting for Kate to finishing making a hat for a customer so she could clarify the price of cushion covers for me to inform the people of instagram, when I saw this amazing card.


I drew a sharp intake of breath and quickly looked around at the nearest people to me. I scanned their faces to see if they had just experienced the same revelation. This over priced piece of cardboard had just spoken to me. I wanted to hold the card over my head and yell it out so the customers who hadn't yet made it to that corner could also benefit from this truth. I felt like I have been slowly realising this on my own and Sigmund Freud and The School of Life just put it into bold faced words for me. There's a lot I don't like about Freud's work, but he has fucking hit the nail on the head with this one. 

(I stared at that sentence for ages trying to turn it into a classic Freud joke but nothing came to me. Its probably because I'm a woman; men are better at jokes. If only I had a penis.)

I am constantly wracked with insecurities, awkwardness, doubt and generally assume that everyone else has got it together and knows all the secrets to a happy and fulfilling existence. Gradually, I'm realising that the people closest to me are not that clued in or as well informed or experienced as I imagine. This tends to shock and irritate me. When you hold someone to a certain standard and then they behave like a bit of a dick, it fucks with your world view a little bit. After a few a major shake ups I've come to terms with the fact that this is just the way the world is. Just because your family members are older than you, doesn't mean they always have the right idea.

But still, when I meet someone new I get an instant wave of "holy crap, she's so cool and smart and sexy and confident and amazing HOW DOES SHE DO THAT MAYBE IF I BECOME HER FRIEND IT WILL RUB OFF ON ME"  

And then I spend more time with her, thinking how enriched my life would be if I was her instead of me and maybe if I had a tattoo on my forearm and studied at a business arts school in New York, I too would have my dream job prospects and a boyfriend with long hair and a dog. After all, we went the same high school and therefore are practically already identical. Until, I'm telling her a story and she just doesn't quite respond the way she should. Or the way my true idol would. Or maybe she drops eye contact a little too much or misinterprets my story. Maybe the real adults don't see her the same way as I thought. Something happens. And it clicks. She's human too. She's just as confused and unsure as I am. She also has personality flaws and insecurities. She's also bumbling along and making things up as she goes. She's not necessarily someone I should aspire to be. 

Hey, maybe she's thinking the same thing about me.

I don't mean to suggest that's it's depressing that no one deserves to be looked up to or that we're all a huge disappointment to one another, but rather that it's comforting to know that we're all on the same level. I guess its another way of saying "imagine the audience in their underwear" (not really a good tactic — what if everyone else looks like a Victoria's Secret model in their dacks and you look like Fat Bastard) or "everyone at some point in their life has had explosive diarrhoea" (poo is funny).

Thursday, February 26, 2015

A collection of art things that have made me experience emotions lately

This song and video

Whenever it comes on at pilates, my muscles relax and my mind wanders from from breathing and pelvic floor clenching to think about how I'm definitely going to watch it again when I get home. It just tears me up in the right kind of way and I'm not sure why or how. I'm sucker for contemporary dance and metaphorical set design. It disgusts and disappoints me that people thought this video should be banned because it has pedophillic themes. Eugh.




Amanda Palmer's Audiobook

This woman, this fucking goddess made me tear up twice today while I was listening to her beautiful, soothing voice talk about her life, loves, art and fans. More people should be like her.



This Fringe Play

Fake It til You Make It by Bryony Kimmings and Tim Grayburn is about men who suffer from depression and the women who fall in love with them. Specifically it was about Tim's chronic depression and how it affected/contributed to his relationship with Bryony (a real life couple). It was a beautiful story that had the audience laughing and crying and sighing at all the appropriate places. But what got me was how obvious it was that these two loved and supported each other so, so much. She 100% supported him and his illness and he 100% supported her and art and that's why I cried at the end when he struggled to sing a song for her (because he had only just learnt how to play the guitar) about hiding under the duvet. Incidentally, the play won Best Theatre at the Fringe awards. 


Bryony Kimmings was in one of my other favourite Fringe shows, Sex Idiot, wherein she persuaded the audience to cut their pubes off and she stuck them to her face. I had a totally fangirl moment, and gushed all over them when they came to the box office one night. One of my other favourite Fringe shows, Amateur Hour, a skit comedy parodying terrible performances won runner up in this division and made me reconsider the sexual attractiveness of South Africans. I also fangirled his performance partner, Gem, and then sat casually with her like we were old friends before the beginning of their other show, The Epicene Butcher.


Also check out this guy. No profound emotional art experience with Briefs: The Second Coming, but if straight guys took a different girl to that show every night, they'd get laid every night.


Fringe is the best.


Whiplash 

I don't think the trailer does the film justice. I was tense (probably like I should be during pilates) and engrossed for the whole film, terrified of the teacher (J.K. Simmons rightfully just won the Oscar for this role) and always rooting for the student. My mum and her sister didn't like the film because the teacher was such an awful character and a big meany pants who bullied his students and mad them sadpies. I think if a film can make you feel that, feel the emotional stress that the other characters are feeling then its a pretty damn fine piece of art. 




Now that I've shared some art with you I'm off to continue reading this blog, which analyses and bitches about Fifty Shade of Grey. I watched the movie last night, it was fucking awful.